A lot of people try to understand who I am or what I am trying to do in life or trying to be. I don't know myself so its quite surprising how people make conclusions. I am lost. I have been los for a very long time, lost and broken. I have been trying to fix myself but it doesn't seem to be happening at all with me. No matter how hard I try I always end up where I started at. It has become so hard to walk around with a smile on my face and act like everything is alright. It has become so hard to use humour as a mechanism to divert attention from myself and get other people to laugh and feel like there is nothing wrong.
There is so much wrong and it just screws up everything else in life. People don't get the fact that space is needed to breathe and they tend to suffocate. I am used to that now but it becomes hard when the mind itself is so suffocated and wants to breathe but just doesn't get the opportunity to do so. Work holds no interest anymore as I am not able to comprehend it. Just so distracted and lost. Floundering for direction and a shoulder to cry on. Its just so hard to be alone in ones head and the whole world just thinks that everything is okay. I wish I could just explain all my problems away or just explain all my pain away.
at times I feel I should just go. Far far away from everyone and spare them the pain of having to put up with me and my weirdness. My penchant for the unknown and my want to do crazy things all the time. Apparently there is a time for normal but sadly I wasn't made of aware of that when I was being assigned this body I occupy. People have walked away from me in the past and still continue to do so. The only difference is that in the past it used to hurt a lot but now its just a fate I have to accept. I am but a frivolous part of their lives and can be discarded when and where they feel like. It is a fate I have come to terms with because you see I am just a jester, a joker, a clown. With no real value for anybody. Just an entertainer.
Its time I left, its time I bowed my head and exited this stage I call a life and go away someplace where I am obscure, unknown, lost! Its hard to live with so much hate, So much blame, so much acrimony. Its hard to deal with it day in and day out and to live with the accusing stares and barbed words. Its mind numbing and energy sapping.
Is Time to do away with these shortcomings.
There is so much wrong and it just screws up everything else in life. People don't get the fact that space is needed to breathe and they tend to suffocate. I am used to that now but it becomes hard when the mind itself is so suffocated and wants to breathe but just doesn't get the opportunity to do so. Work holds no interest anymore as I am not able to comprehend it. Just so distracted and lost. Floundering for direction and a shoulder to cry on. Its just so hard to be alone in ones head and the whole world just thinks that everything is okay. I wish I could just explain all my problems away or just explain all my pain away.
at times I feel I should just go. Far far away from everyone and spare them the pain of having to put up with me and my weirdness. My penchant for the unknown and my want to do crazy things all the time. Apparently there is a time for normal but sadly I wasn't made of aware of that when I was being assigned this body I occupy. People have walked away from me in the past and still continue to do so. The only difference is that in the past it used to hurt a lot but now its just a fate I have to accept. I am but a frivolous part of their lives and can be discarded when and where they feel like. It is a fate I have come to terms with because you see I am just a jester, a joker, a clown. With no real value for anybody. Just an entertainer.
Its time I left, its time I bowed my head and exited this stage I call a life and go away someplace where I am obscure, unknown, lost! Its hard to live with so much hate, So much blame, so much acrimony. Its hard to deal with it day in and day out and to live with the accusing stares and barbed words. Its mind numbing and energy sapping.
Is Time to do away with these shortcomings.
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